Saturday, January 15, 2011

Pre Blow Up

I feel wound up tight. There has been so muck sickness this winter with my family and close family members. My poor six month old is sick again. *sigh* I love my family more then anything in the world. I know that it always could be worse and there is other people out there that is in alot worse shape then me. Okay with that being said I am about to throw my self a pity party. Why you ask? Well because I can and it will make me feel better. So onto the whining.

I am one of the mothers who is very hands on. When my babies are small I just don't leave them. Not with my husband or anyone. Not because I don't trust them just because I nurse them, they never took a bottle, and always cried when I was not around them. Well this takes its toll on me. I cant stand the constant feeling that there is always someone on me. If not the baby it is one of the other two kids and if I try to sit next to my husband then he wants to touch me because he hasn't been near me in days. I feel trapped and tired. I really don't like having to always be the one that has all the answers, the one who has to remember to give praises to the good jobs, the one who has to pay the bills, do the shopping on a budget, do my visit teaching, make sure everyone says there prayers, and the list goes on. I sometime just wounder what would happen if I just up and ran away to live on the run by myself. I then think what would I do there never has been a Nikki by herself. It has always been Nikki the daughter then straight to Nikki the wife to Nikki the mother. I know what I am feeling will pass and I wont be so tired and sad so no one worry I just like to have a pity party once in a while.

1 comment:

Terina Dee said...

OH MY HEAVENS!!! You could be voicing my concerns as a mom. I would look at my dear hubby who just wanted cuddle time and say, "YOU MUST BE NUTS!" I AM CUDDLED OUT! TOUCH ME AND DIE!

I so needed to be alone and rediscover myself, but it never happened. This are normal feelings and the best thought is that this too shall end.

Meanwhile, make the hubby take you away from all this (mentally, if not physically) and reconnect with the girl that fell in love with him.

My best, Terina