Saturday, August 28, 2010


I am about to take a idea from Bre and spew my thoughts out randomly.

I am glad we decided to have a third child. It is harder then I thought it would be. I feel like I am neglecting my other two. I hate having to send Torin to school. He is stressed out and it makes me sad. I think he is mad at me for making him go and he is taking it out on me by starting to have an attitude with me. I need to find more energy to spend more time with him. I feel like I am so tired all the time and Talin is a great sleeper so I should not complain. My Tayla gets in trouble alot and I hate that if I could do more with her she wouldn't be acting out. I feel like a failure. My husband has so much to do (at work) and tells me he needs help and I have been trying to help him but I have nothing left. I am never alone. I am always with the kids and when they go to sleep then its Elis time the its sleep time and then it starts over. Sometimes I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want the day to start over. Sometimes I feel like jumping of a building. My kids make so happy. My husband does very nice things for me and always trys hard even when he doesn't want to. I hate yelling. It stresses me out. My mom always yelled at me and hit me so I do not ever want to be like that. I don't know how to make everyone happy. I want to make more friends but I never seem to be able to accomplish that. I get so tired of always taking care of everyone else. Well there is more but my baby needs me.


Bre said...

I like your random spewing of thoughts. You really are an amazing wife and mother and friend, theres only so much one person can do and you are doing it! And I totally get the not going to bed thing..I've been doing it; so if you need to chat at 1am...holla.

Maple said...

John 12:27
"Now is my soul troubled; and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour: but for this cause came I unto this hour."
That's my favorite scripture lately. Sometimes we all want to quit. Sometimes we all want to give up or escape even for a moment from our lives, but deep down when I really think about it, I'm glad for where I am. I want to be a mother, a sister, a friend, a daughter... I want all the moments that are my life, the good and the hard things.

Shana said...

I don't know you Maple, but thank you for your comment and wisdom.
Nikki- you are a great mother. Your best IS enough. That is all you can do. But I understand your feelings. I have them time to time as well. It is hard work staying home and taking care of everything for everyone all the time. It NEVER ends!
But home with my kids is where I want to be, so I have to remind myself that.
I think your a great person, and I love that I've become friends with you. We need to get together and do things more.