Okay so I have struggled for many years (well lets be honest my whole life) with a low self esteem. I was raised in a home that I was NEVER good enough for any thing. My mom never hugged me and told me that she loved me or that I was beautiful. I was always told I needed more makeup, better basketball skills, or just anything in general. So I developed this thing (since the second grade) that I would always help everyone and give them everything I could that way surly they would like me. Well it was never enough. I was in the second grade when my parents split and I went with my mom and her new husband. Mom was always gone to work or outta town working so I cooked cleaned and took care of my drunk sister.
Okay before we go any farther I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I lived through it and I have a wonderful family and could not ask for more. It has truly made me who I am to this day.
Okay so I have learned that for 18 years no matter what I did I never looked good enough nor did anything well enough, so it is hard to just turn off those thoughts now that I am an adult. There have been things that I can not erase from my mind. I have been screamed at, cussed out, beat and sexually abused for so long it is hard to turn it off. So with all that said I have decided.
I AM WORHT IT! I AM SMART ENOUGH! I AM NOT THAT LITTLE GIRL THAT NEEDS HELP!
It was in my church class that I go to on Thursday when I heard another member say “It is the devil that whispers those thoughts of your not good enough, that you are worthless, or that you deserve the pain you are going through.” Now she does not know anything about my personal life or anything but it clicked it is the devil he wants me to suffer and I know that my Heavenly Father wants me to be happy and soar the clouds. The sky is the limit.
So my goal is to try not to forget that I am worth something, My Heavenly Fathers love. So to all those who know me I am trying to build my self confidence and it will take time because I cant turn off things that I have lived with for 18 years.
I am grateful for my Heavenly Father because I know he loves my unconditionally.
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You have such a natural beauty about you. Inside and out! You are a wonderful person to be around and I am so glad to be getting to know you and your sweet little family better.
You are doing your best- and that IS enough! Heavenly Father DOES love you and he KNOWS you personally. Go to Him when you need to be reminded of your self worth. You are perfect in His eyes.
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