So let me start by telling everyone that I am a very loving and caring person but my blogs may not always show it. This is my chance to talk about the things that are bothering me and maybe everyone else. Let’s just start by saying that I am the most blessed women I know. I get to stay at home with the kids and my husband treats me great. Now on to more selfish thoughts that I have been having. I miss the times when I could sleep till noon and the first thing in the morning was not MOM I NEED JUICE JUICE JUICE MOOOOOOM JUICEEEEEEEE! I mean please can I pee in the privacy of my own bathroom that I never have time to clean. I did just roll out of bed and it is 7am. I would also like to add that you know you have had you last ounce you can handle when your husband comes into the kitchen after a VERY stress filled day (of tending to two kids who need everything and have to be latched to your hip cause they are moody) after the kids are asleep and the quiet is so soothing and all you want is a snack for your self only to hear from behind you What are you making US for a snack? US US what the heck so I proceeded to threw crackers at him and told him I am going to Sonic. Then I decided if I went back home I would consider jumping off the house. So I went to my sister-in-laws house.
Now I know there is a lot more that I have bottled up inside me that no one hears about but sometimes I feel like my whole body is going to explode with anger, guilt, love, and pure joy. How can so many emotions run through some ones body at one time? I have decided that I need to feel like a woman. Not just the one who has the snacks and diapers or the one who can be used as a place to wipe there runny nose (as if I have never thought them how to use a tissue) or the women that cooks the breakfast lunch and dinner. I know I am loved by others I NEED TO LOVE MYSELF. So I want to get dressed up and I want to go on a date with my wonderful husband and I want him to make me feel like a sexy beautiful women. I am sorry if this is all jumbled together but I have been having a very hard week and I have all this emotions running through me and I just am trying to get some of it out as I sit typing and crying.
I know God has a plan for me and I hope one day I can hear from him that I made a difference in the live that I have touched. More than that I hope I can feel it. It is hard when people tell you that you are a great wonderful person but how can you make yourself feel it?
4 comments:
I love you Nikki!! First, I would like to say that I was very glad to see you come over and shoot me in the eye with a nerf gun. :D
I do think its very important for every woman to have some "me time" and love themselves. I wish I had some awesome ideas that would help you do that.
I know sister! The good mothers of the world give of themselves so much that it hurts. But hang in there, as the children get older it gets easier. You find more time for yourself and you learn to rediscover who you are. It is actually really wonderful. I have found that many of the things I liked to do before I had children I don't care for any more. I like new things. It is the old adage of turning into a butterfly. You unfolding your wings and preparing to fly. Each day makes you stronger and more beautiful...but it takes time.
So keep writing and letting out the frustrations, we love hearing from you!!
I totally understand! It is kind of crazy huh!!
I think that happens to all stay home moms.. :-)
sometimes, if you want , we can go watch a romance movie at the theates, olny girls! That is alwasy fun! They have a theater pretty close to your house.
You are a great mom and wonderful wife! You are going to be blessed for all your effort, and when we are old, he will have aour kids having pacience with us hahahah
love
Raquel
I think you are awesome! I totally know what you are feeling. Being a mother 24-7 isn't the most glamorous job in the world, but we sure are lucky to have it. Right?
Getting dressed up and going on a date night with your honey should help make you feel a little better about yourself. I know that always gives me a pick me up.
We will have to go on a double date to dinner sometime soon okay?
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