It has been awhile.

It has been a min since the last time I wrote but here is an update. I now have a soon to be 7 year old, a 5 year old, and a 16 month old. Torin is reading and doing lots of math. He is doing very good in school although he hates it with a burning passion. Torin is an old soul with a lot of emotions in him. Tayla is LOVING school. School was made for her. She is just a wonderful girl and you cant help but smile when she is around you. You will never see her with out her wanting to tell you something or just singing a song. Talin is the type of person who will get into everything and I do mean everything. He will dump buckets out so he can use them to reach things. If I baby proof something he has/will figure out a way around it in a day. He just is happy. I am a happy mother with a husband who loves me in every way. Thank you Heavenly Father!

Pre Blow Up

I feel wound up tight. There has been so muck sickness this winter with my family and close family members. My poor six month old is sick again. *sigh* I love my family more then anything in the world. I know that it always could be worse and there is other people out there that is in alot worse shape then me. Okay with that being said I am about to throw my self a pity party. Why you ask? Well because I can and it will make me feel better. So onto the whining.

I am one of the mothers who is very hands on. When my babies are small I just don't leave them. Not with my husband or anyone. Not because I don't trust them just because I nurse them, they never took a bottle, and always cried when I was not around them. Well this takes its toll on me. I cant stand the constant feeling that there is always someone on me. If not the baby it is one of the other two kids and if I try to sit next to my husband then he wants to touch me because he hasn't been near me in days. I feel trapped and tired. I really don't like having to always be the one that has all the answers, the one who has to remember to give praises to the good jobs, the one who has to pay the bills, do the shopping on a budget, do my visit teaching, make sure everyone says there prayers, and the list goes on. I sometime just wounder what would happen if I just up and ran away to live on the run by myself. I then think what would I do there never has been a Nikki by herself. It has always been Nikki the daughter then straight to Nikki the wife to Nikki the mother. I know what I am feeling will pass and I wont be so tired and sad so no one worry I just like to have a pity party once in a while.

30 facts about me *sigh*

So I was tagged this and what you are supposed to do is tag 30 different people and then write 30 facts about yourself.
It doesn't matter what you put as long as they are all facts.

1. I will not tag anyone but still fill the urge to tell you all 30 random facts about me.
2. No one liked me in high school excluding 2 girls and 1 boy.
3. I thought I was an awesome basketball player but really was terrible. (thanks Mom)
4. I love to water ski.
5. One of my best friends growing up was a boy.
6. My dad was an alcoholic
7. I am known as the family therapist
8. I have not worn make up in over 10 years
9. I secretly wish I was more girly
10. I get depressed and know one knows it
11. I had a hard childhood
12. I am extremely terrified of worms (thanks mom)
13. I suffer from terrible headaches
14. Mice freak me out like not other
15. I can not be alone
16. I never have been away from my husband for longer then two days
17. I was married one month after my 19th birthday
18. I ran away from home when I was 13 and took my moms truck
19. I was arrested when I was 18 for fighting my sister and spent the night in jail *sigh*
20. I cant spell
21. I cant use cleaners without gloves and lots of washing my hands cause I think it will eat my skin off.
22. My sister-in-law Bre is the only person who knows absolutely everything about me.
23. I love twilight
24. I got into so many fights in school
25. My boyfriend died when we were freshman in high school
26. I hate laundry
27. My dad hit me with his car when I was 13 and dislocated my knee and kept going (yes my mom was there she helped me)
28. My favorite color is purple
29. My favorite food is spinach cheese dip
30. I call my grandma every day well almost every day

Random

I am about to take a idea from Bre and spew my thoughts out randomly.

I am glad we decided to have a third child. It is harder then I thought it would be. I feel like I am neglecting my other two. I hate having to send Torin to school. He is stressed out and it makes me sad. I think he is mad at me for making him go and he is taking it out on me by starting to have an attitude with me. I need to find more energy to spend more time with him. I feel like I am so tired all the time and Talin is a great sleeper so I should not complain. My Tayla gets in trouble alot and I hate that if I could do more with her she wouldn't be acting out. I feel like a failure. My husband has so much to do (at work) and tells me he needs help and I have been trying to help him but I have nothing left. I am never alone. I am always with the kids and when they go to sleep then its Elis time the its sleep time and then it starts over. Sometimes I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want the day to start over. Sometimes I feel like jumping of a building. My kids make so happy. My husband does very nice things for me and always trys hard even when he doesn't want to. I hate yelling. It stresses me out. My mom always yelled at me and hit me so I do not ever want to be like that. I don't know how to make everyone happy. I want to make more friends but I never seem to be able to accomplish that. I get so tired of always taking care of everyone else. Well there is more but my baby needs me.

Talin Russel

Here is how it goes.

Talin was born by c-section July 6 at 9:18 am. The c-section took 2 hours because I wouldn't stop bleeding and then they had to get x-ray in there because one of the nurses miss counted something so they thought they left it in me but woot it wasnt. So two hours later and I finaly get to go see and nurse my baby. When they wheel me in the room my mother has my baby. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I wanted to claw her armw off to see another femal with my baby before I even get to hold him. I am better about that now though, So Talin was 8 lbs 9 oz and was very hungry when he came out. His blood sugar got low cause he had to wait so long to nurse but that was soon fixed also. He swallowed so fluid that they had to suck out that he had to throw up over the next few days to. That was very scary cause we would have to stick the sucker thing down his mouth to get it out but that to didn't last long and he is fine ou that. I am going on 4 days of complete horazontal bed rest only get up to pee and lay back down because I got a spinal headach from the spinal they gave me. That is where you leak spinal fluid from the spot the placed the spinal tube at. I could have got a blood patch to fix it but there are a lot of ricks with it so this is the other thing that will fix it. Laying flat and drinking lots of fluid and caffine. I am able to sit and walk around moe today then everbefore so I think anther day and I should be good. The pain from c-section is very mild this time so no I can see the end of the road of this very long journey. Oh and one thing that shocked me at the birth was all of Talins thick black hair. It is beautiful.

Cuteness

Tayla: ahhblada JUICE hfjsdhffhskhf HOT dhfkdshfkhk (as she runs through the living room holding her mouth)
Torin: Mom I think Tayla needs a drink cause her mouth is so hot she is speaking spanish.

Prego!

Well yes it is true I am pregnant. Wooot I know. Well I had my youngest three years ago and both pregnancy's were very hard on me. I was really sick. After Tayla we thought we were done. Well Eli decided to go get the snip surgery about two months. So his letter came in the mail to fill out and bring in at his appointment. Well we sat at dinner that night and both of us just felt it was wrong to get the surgery so we decided to pray about it. Two days later we had no worry that we were supposed to try again. Three weeks later wamo I am pregnant! Three weeks and I was already late. It took nine months with Torin and five months for Tayla. So now I am very confident that God has a plan and I am meant to be pregnant with this child at this time. I am excited to see what God has in store for us.